"My Story" - Jonathan M.

How would you describe your adoption? 

I was adopted by white parents a couple of weeks after I was born to a white mother and a black father. The nurses at the hospital took to calling me “Christopher” due to the proximity of my birthday to Christmas. I don't recall exactly when I knew that I was adopted or understood exactly what that meant. Although I remember knowing both from a relatively young age. Growing up I recall my mother telling me often the challenges she and my father had trying to have a child, and because of that, I was all the more special to them. Also, they celebrated my differences in a way that never made me feel like an "other" around my all-white family. Oddly enough it wasn't until middle school when kids at school started asking questions like "...what are you?" or about me being adopted. I never felt ill-equipped to deal with those conversations but in high school, I made more black friends that opened me up to an experience that was part of my identity that I hadn't been able to meaningfully explore. My parents supported me through my identity exploration the best they could, as they did with almost everything. While I was fortunate in many respects to have the upbringing that I did, there were minimal resources for my parents and none for me that could've helped navigate some of the more challenging questions and experiences that are part of the adoption journey.

Where are you in your adoption journey today?

Today, I am at peace. My mother has, at times, expressed concern that I would go find my birth family and leave them behind, but I tell her the same as I tell everyone. My parents are the people that raised me, full stop. One of the things my adoption journey has taught me is the power of choice and the agency we exercise in choosing the people who get to be around us - both friends and family. And most importantly, that to be chosen by someone else is truly special.

Something people don't often see is...

... the complexity of adoption. My parents were vetted for over a year before they adopted me. Also, I had several friends growing up who were also adopted and struggled mightily with their identity and feelings of “otherness” even when those adoptions didn't include a wrinkle like having a child that is a different race than the parents. It gives me joy that an organization like Enough now exists to fill what is a critical gap in resources for adoptees and adoptive parents.