"My Story" - Mia

How would you describe your adoption? 

My name is Mia (41) and I was adopted at nine weeks old. Born to a British-American white mother and an African-American black father in the early 80s, I believe my adoption was “destined” for many reasons. I spent one week in the hospital, due to a birth injury, and eight weeks in foster care. I grew up proud to be adopted. My family was proud to have me – almost like I was a gift to them. However, I always had questions. I was curious all the time and often daydreamt about my birth parents’ story, their individual lives, passions and personalities. Whenever my mannerisms felt noticeably different from my family’s, I told myself it must be genetic—just a reflection of traits from my biological roots.

My parents were selective about what they shared with me about my adoption.  And, as a parent now, I understand their attempt to protect me from things I wasn't ready to comprehend like sex, racism, and conflicting family dynamics. At around 12 years old when most of my identity challenges started, I realized that the name given to me, post adoption, was "inscribed" in the palm of my hands. I took it as a "sign" that God affirmed that I was exactly where I was meant to be.

Where are you in your adoption journey today?

At 19, I embarked on finding my biological parents by exploring adoption records and was successful in speaking with them via phone and/or email between age 29-33. Unfortunately, it's been complicated ever since. I am still curious about my biological families but sometimes during adoption reunions some people want more than I can give. Trust and relationships are built over time. I grew up always knowing that titles were not given because of a blood relation, but because of relationships formed and unconditional love. I will always honor that.

Something people don’t often see is...

"... the complexity of adoption. I compare it to biting too early into the once popular candy - Jawbreaker. One layer turns into many and before you know it, there's a lot to unpack, process and possibly some challenging emotions. Often people would say “well, you turned out ok” or “why would you need therapy, you had a good life”. The reality is we all have stuff that we carry with us. My end goal is to have peace and to help others achieve it as well. All the questions I had over the 40+ years of my life, may not be answered - and that has to be ok. Also, sometimes the answers aren't pleasant. It's important to be prepared for scenarios and to accept that you can't control any of it.