Mother’s Day: Holding Space for Every Story in the Adoption Triad
- Enough Adoption Foundation
- May 9
- 3 min read
At Enough Adoption Foundation, we recognize that Mother’s Day is not the same for everyone. For many, it is a day to honor, love, and connect. However, for those within the adoption triad (birth mothers, adoptees, and adoptive mothers) this day can also bring a great deal of emotions.
The Complexity Behind the Celebration
Adoption begins with both gain and loss. While families are formed, there is also biological and physical separation from histories and identities which may take years to discover, if desired.
Many holidays can be emotionally layered for adoptees, but the holidays that honor the role of the “parent”, like Mother’s (and Father’s) day can be even more complex. Often bringing emotions, self-reflection, and perhaps feelings of gratitude, grief and even confusion. Depending on where an adoptee is in their adoption journey (e.g. discovery, adoption reunions, healing), there may be confusion behind how to acknowledge Mother’s Day. While some adoptees may lovingly acknowledge both the birth mother and adoptive mother, others may feel like they must choose.
How an adoptee chooses to recognize this day is deeply personal.
When Holidays Trigger More Than Joy
Holidays are often centered around family, tradition, and belonging, all concepts that can feel complicated in adoption. For some adoptees, the day may also reopen questions of identity and belonging. In one recent study, 55.7% of adoptees reported not feeling a strong sense of belonging anywhere, underscoring the depth of identity challenges that can persist into adulthood.[i]
Mother’s Day may:
Trigger grief related to separation or loss
Highlight unanswered questions about biological family
Create internal conflict around how, whether, or who to celebrate
Surface feelings of guilt, loyalty, or divided identity
For birth mothers, Mother’s Day can be a profound reminder of a child they love but may not be parenting. Support groups exist for these individuals because the loss is immeasurable for some. In 1990, a Seattle group of birth mothers founded Birth Mother’s Day which honors birth mothers on the Saturday before Mother’s Day for their choice and acknowledges that they are still mothers, even if they are not parenting.[ii]
For adoptive mothers, it can be a day filled with both joy and sensitivity, holding space for their child’s full story while navigating their own role within it. Adoptive mothers often attempt balancing joy for their own motherhood with the recognition of the birth mother's sacrifice. [iii]
The Role of Mental Health
Understanding the emotional weight of days like Mother’s Day also requires acknowledging broader mental health realities within the adoption community. Adoption is associated with increased rates of anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges.
These realities are not meant to define adoptees, but rather to emphasize the importance of awareness, compassion, and access to adoption-competent support. With Mother’s Day occurring during Mental Health Awareness Month, it is paramount to recognize that comprehensive adoption care is especially necessary during this time.
Making Space for Every Experience
At Enough, we believe Mother’s Day should not be defined by expectation—but by permission.
Permission to:
Celebrate fully
Grieve quietly
Hold multiple truths at once
Opt out of traditions that don’t feel authentic
Create new ways of honoring connection
There is no “right” way to experience Mother’s Day. Each year, adoptees may find themselves recognizing the day in different ways until they find what feels best for them.
Centering Compassion
For those supporting someone in the adoption triad, small acts of awareness can make a meaningful difference:
Ask rather than assume how they want to spend the day
Use inclusive language that honors all parts of their story
Recognize that love and loss can coexist
Create space for honest, judgment-free conversation
This Mother’s Day, we honor every mother, every story, and every lived-experience within the adoption triad. Because at Enough, we believe that every story deserves to be seen, and every emotion deserves room to exist.
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